[My address and Details]

Dear Customer Care Team,

It was with great anticipation that I awaited the opening of your store in Southgate, North London. There was a buzz agmonst the community in regards to who would be filling the vacant plot that you now call home. The rumours were that a major supermarket, a superior one to the local ASDA, and one on par with Marks'n'Spencors maybe opening up. It was a great joy on the day I was told for certain that it was a Tesco. My mother had shopped most of my life in your Colney Hatch Lane store, and cooked me a lifetimes worth of splendid meals. There was nothing that she (and therefore, I) went without, because everything was in abundance within your hallowed halls.

So eventually, the day came of your grand opening. The night previously I had spent the time in a sleeping bag (see attached photos), so I maybe the first to purchase the goods of my childhood once again. There were a few things I was looking forward too, maybe a lovely Macaroni and Cheese microwave meal, one I would enjoy while watching Jamie Oliver's Italy, and I would be transported there with him, enjoying the Tuscan hills and smelling the famed lavender. Or perhaps a Chicken Korma that'll transport me straight to one of the seven wonder's of the world, the Taj Mahal.

Instead, I choose a "British Roast Beef" sandwich, a packet of Pall Mall Superkings (with 'Price Buster' written upon it, thus confirming the value I'm getting), a 355ml can of Red Bull and a raspberry donut. Everything was as good as I had imagined, nay, better. I had finished the Sandwich, and taken a bite on the Donut, I finally saw the whole point of The Simpsons's Meme about Donuts, in fact, I think I physically said "Mmmm, donut".

I went to take a second bite when suddenly I noticed a foreign object, the corpse of a spider. I yelped in shock, I had no idea what to do. Would this spider poison me? I have heard the story about the lady who ate a spider, and I would not like to be in her shoes... tigers are hard to come by in Southgate.

I went to return my goods to the store in the hope of receiving justification for this great injustice. All I required was another can of Red Bull to take my mind off things. I explained the situation to the staff, who in turn told the manager. I was told I can not swap it without a receipt at first, "But this is the only local place where I can purchase one of these" I explained, and he saw my point. He then offered to exchange it for another donut, where I told him I do not want any uncovered goods, such as another donut or baked product (despite how good they are). How it would just transport me back to the experience where I first found the spider. I tried to be understanding about how it's your first day, and how there are naturally teething problems, but he was not understanding in turn. I then used the leverage about going to the local press, I know personally it's been a slow press day, so therefore the news will spread across the local community. I then thought twice about this, and took back what I said, that would have been out of order on your first day, especially in this economic climate. He said I can have a can of Red Bull, but would have to pay the difference. Alas, this was no good to me, I had not come out with my wallet a second time, I was not planning to make more purchases today.

And so, here I am, writing to you, in good faith, in the hope that perhaps you will take heart on this sorry tail and reward me with perhaps a voucher.

Kind Regards

90Nz0
[my address and details]


P.S - Attached are photographs of me camping out, the spider, and a receipt for the goods of which you'll notice the charge for the "FIN ROAST BEEF" are £0.00 - I have chosen not to complain about that.

P.P.S - I was also quite disappointed that your club does not meet up every week or month, I was looking forward to spending Thursday nights talking about Tesco related issues.

P.P.P.S - The attached photos are of my own copyright and my prior written consent is needed for any reproduction for any commercial use.


P.P.P.P.S - Some more photos of me camping

(click for bigger)

This is the horror of how the whole thing played out on Facebook, the excitement leading to the disapointment (read from bottom to top)